Telemarketer Refugee Camp

Maria was so upbeat telling me how they can give me better rates than the current company I am with (how do they really know this?).

I told her I was going to prison next week due to being convicted of Arson. I asked if they frown upon this and could they call me in prison?

She became less enthusiastic and told me she could not answer my questions and could she have a loan officer call me. I told her I wanted them to call me in prison and she stated "your not in prison yet"


DUH!

She told me to have a nice day and hung up.

I will try and make them talk more next time.

:-)

Yesterday and then again today I used that line.

This lady called me yesterday from Some wireless company telling me how she could save me TONS of money. I did a bad bad thing

Me "I wish I could but I am going to start serving a prison term next week"

TM "OH MY"

Me "Ya thats what I said"

TM "I am sorry to hear that"

Me "Well I am guilty and I got sentenced last week"

TM "that is really a shame"

Me "I wonder if I could have a cell in there? I really don't know the etiquette"

TM "I don't know, I would think not"

Me "Your probably right"

*By this time I think she was trying to give me her address to write her or something. Now I know how those cats in the pen get chicks*

SO Today I did it again but it went a little like this

Me "Hello"

TM "Hello this is Mark with the Fraternal order of Police"

Me "Your with the Police?"

TM "Yes"

Me "Then you probably know I start my prison term next week"

TM "THAT SUCKS"

Me "Tell me about it"

TM "You should live it up this entire week, or whats left"

Me "Plan to"

TM "Good luck"

Me "Thanks"

I am going to hell for that one

I am so sick today. I hope I get a TM who is selling cures... cause I want one!

I made a telemarketer girl almost cry!

I'm so sorry Julie (if that was your real name). But I told my peeps I would try this.

Julie *selling some vacation to a resort*

Me "I wish I could go but I just had my hands removed"

Julie "OH MY GOSH, I AM SO SORRY"

Me "I have to learn all new things"

Julie "OH MY"

Me "Maybe I will get a Monkey, what would be a good monkey name?"

Julie "UM I don't know I am sorry I bothered you"

Me "No bother everyday is a learning experience and lucky for me they make a hands free toilet paper"

*DIAL-TONE*

I need to find a way to trip out the TM's and either make them quit, cry or just never call me again.

Next one that calls I am going to tell them I have no hands or feet (no offense to the handless/footless peeps out there).

see what kind of reaction they give me. Maybe ask them for advice or have them describe how it feels to have such parts.

:-)

If you have suggestions, please submit I am open to anything.
Within reason (my reason)

More to come!

I just had surgery the other day and was not in the mood to assist the telemarketer populace with conversion to humanity. When the girl asked for Mr. Keeme I told her I was that guy.

TM "How are you doing today sir?" With chipmunk-like enthusiasm

Me "Doing OK except for losing my job today and finding out I have no insurance to pay for my much needed transplant and owing back payments on the 'Enhancement' operation if you know what I mean"

TM "OH! I am so sorry"

Me "Ya, what are ya gonna do, that's the way the ball bounces"

TM "OK, well have a nice day"

Me "um, how can I do that? Did you hear what I said happened?"

TM "I am so sorry I bothered you"

Me "No please don't go, after my wife left the other day I kind of need a friend and being she left with the only one I had left"

TM "um"

Me "Ya I hear ya"

TM "OK Bye"

Me "Ya, it would never have worked out"

*Dial-tone*

I love being me

My youngest daughter answered a telemarketer call and just breathed on the phone. The person would say hello and my kid would breathe into the phone. Creeped that dude out and they hung up!

They grow up so fast and become obscene phone answerers.

Calls are getting fewer and I kinda miss the bastages.

Today I got a call from
ZEE BEST CARPET
(602) 957-3644
Please call them from out of state and see if they can come to you!

LOL!!!

These idiots use an automated recording and it goes something like a conversation

"HI This is Idiot, I tried to call you the other day and could not reach you"

You try and get the dudes attention and *Blush* when you figure it is a recording.

If you press the * key on the keypad it starts the recording over and over.

It was cool.

I punched that button for about an hour!

Kept them from calling others.

Then it gives you the option to be removed.

*SMILE*

Hope it calls me again!

The war has begun... man your battle stations.

We shall not be defeated... victory is ours one dial-tone at a time.

Yesterday I was not myself... got bad news about having surgery... got one call from a telemarketer (Amy) from A- Quality Air...she wanted to fix my A/C and all I could do was get rid of her... no questions or playfulness... I simply asked her

Me "Amy, may I ask you a question?"
Amy "Yes"
Me "How did you get my number? Am I on a list or computer generated spreadsheet?"
Amy "Computer"
Me "I am on the do Not Call list"
Amy "I am so sorry I will remove you"
Me "not your fault... thank you so much Amy have a great day"
Amy "Thank you Mr. Keeme"

That is all... I feel like I failed her... she sounded like she wanted to be saved from that life... but I felt only my own pain yesterday.

Win some, lose some.

Today I got 2 calls
Same company
Both violated the DNC list

I got the call from Country wide (or Country) Insurance.
The caller ID shows
Denver 303-209-8080

Nancy calls

Me "Hello"
Nancy "May speak with Robert Keeme"
Me "Speaking"
Nancy "Mr. Keeme have you blah blah blah"

*Her customer service skills were pretty bad.. probably a veteran, making her a lost cause*
Me "Nancy may I ask you a few questions?"
Nancy "Why, what would the purpose be?"
Me "to get to know you"
Nancy "That would be irrelevant"
Me "I will be the judge of that"
Nancy "Sir are you interested in a quote"
Me "Maybe, but I need to ask you a few questions first"
Nancy "That is not necessary"
Me "I believe it is"
Nancy "SIR! Are you interested or not?"
Me "I may be interested, but you know what I require"
Nancy "That is OK sir... We will just call you back"
Me "Nancy, I would prefer you do not call me back, I have a DNC and wish for your company to not violate my privacy"
Nancy *Disconnects rather angrily*

I WIN AGAIN!!!

10 minutes later

Same company

Danielle "Mr Keeme"
Me "Danielle, is Nancy there?"
Danielle "What?"

*I explain the story*

Me "Danielle, Nancy was supposed to remove me from the list.. would you mind?"
Danielle "I apologize sir... it won't happen again"

I did not try and save Danielle... I blame Nancy for Danielle's future doom with telemarketing.

*Sigh*

Call came in at 11:14 AM
Denise was the caller
It went like this

Denise "Is the homeowner home"
Me "Yes... but first I have a few questions for you"
Denise "Sure!"
Me "How long you been doing this?"
Denise "company has been..."
INTERRUPTION
ME "NO NO no... how long have YOU been working there"
Denise "Oh... me... since November"
Me " Do you like it?"
Denise *Laughing* "Your typing all this down... why?"
Me "I promise this may be a good call... or fun at least"
*I explained my "save the telemarketer" scheme to her including leads*

She thought it was funny and made sure I did not call her boss.

I found out she works for a man she has known for 2 and a 1/2 years. Makes about ten bucks an hour. She stated she will start doing door to door next.
The worst day is when she gets no customers to buy anything...
*Hmmmmm Ya think*

Denise "is your wife?"
Me "No, that is my dearly departed mother" *I kept her name on the phone*
Denise"OH I apologize!"
Me "no problems"
Denise "so are you married?"
Me "no" *nervous laugh"
Denise "Me either!!"
Me "See I told you this may be a good call after-all"

Was on call about 20 minutes... Who knows... she may be the one!

Too bad I am allergic to marriage

# posted by Keeme : 4:04 PM

Now that I have been doing my Telemarketer conversion tactics... I get no calls.

I did have a machine call me yesterday and act like he was a real person... I like to press the numbers on the dial-pad and see if I can crack some code of theirs allowing me to reprogram it with the legally binding offer of truly free goods and/or services.

So far so good!!! No calls as of yet.

Will keep y'all up to date.

Now that I have been doing my Telemarketer conversion tactics... I get no calls.

I did have a machine call me yesterday and act like he was a real person... I like to press the numbers on the dialpad and see if I can crack some code of thiers allowing me to reprogram it with the legally binding offer of truly free goods and/or services.

So far so good!!! No calls as of yet.

Will keep y'all up to date.

This was sent to me by my cousin Frank... It is funny as hell.

(561) 205-7000

Call and listen!

This is the first of what I am sure will be MANY blogs about my experience with telemarketers. My goal and the goal is for the WORLD to be rid of the calls by keeping the agent on the line and getting them to open up to me re: how long they have worked on this account, the pay, the feelings of rejection etc...

I know if we all, first as a BLOGGING COMMUNITY, the as a nation then A GLOBAL effort .. We could stop the Telemarketer!!! And at the same time save the Telemarketer Agent!!!


Find them better jobs! I know we cannot all offer them a job... But we can show them where to look or how to go about improving that life of "may I speak with the home owner? Hello my name is and would you like to lower..."

"YES, Help me lower my blood pressure or a can of spam on the top shelf... but friend let me help you escape from the TELEMARKETER HELL your in"

*Sigh*

This will work... I just need your support... *DAMN this almost sounds like a sales pitch*

TO HELL WITH IT!!! DON'T SUPPORT ME YOU RATS!!!! JUST DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO!

I say we outflank them... are you with me?

GOOD!


I am going to post actual conversation I have with the people who call me... I have a few and when I get time I will post them... WITH NAMES and COMPANIES and whatever they are trying to sell me.


Let the cleansing begin